8 Tip for a Long-Lasting Marriage
Updated: Sep 10, 2021
Everybody wants a marriage that is going to last, but sadly about half of the relationships end in divorce.
So today I'm sharing with you the things that help Mario and I have a long-lasting relationship.
We practice Patience
We are Kind
We are Hopeful
We are Trusting
We are Selfless
We keep No Records of Wrong
We Forgive often
These are the things of true love.
True love is not a feeling, but rather, and something you have to practice.
My husband Mario and I have been together for 19 years now. We've been married for 12 of those years.
Our marriage has had its fair share of highs and lows. We're just like any other couple. We experience disagreements, and when we were younger we even considered calling it quits altogether.
19 years in and we've come to the agreement that we will always be together regardless of circumstances. We're fully committed to our marriage.
Being fully committed means that we must have in place a security system that helps us get through the lows, and fully enjoy the highs.
Today I am sharing that system with you. These are the tips that keep my 19-year-old relationship intact.
We are PATIENT with each other
I'm the first to admit that I often get annoyed with my husband. Sometimes he forgets to do his share of chores. Sometimes he has a shorter temper with the boys than I would like, and sometimes he's doing absolutely nothing wrong, and yet I grow annoyed (an unfortunate side effect of any long term relationship). Without a doubt, he gets annoyed with me too.
But, we've come to an agreement to always practice patience with one another.
Patience is the ability to tolerate one another's annoyances without getting upset. Patience is the feeling of taking a deep breath and knowing that my spouse is intrinsically good, that he loves me wants the best for us, and is doing the best he can.
When I am patient with my husband I am letting him know that he doesn't have to be perfect.
Practicing patience allows me to keep cool and sweet under any circumstances. It also gives space to collect my thoughts before speaking.
We are KIND to one another
I grew up with the golden rule at the forefront of my mother's parenting rhetoric. I was taught relentlessly to treat all living things in the same way that I want to be treated.
I want to be treated the same as anyone else: with kindness.
In my particular case, I make sure to make an effort to be kind. It's easy to get settled into
a routine and become so used to them being around that you simply forget to treat them with kindness.
It's important to make an effort to treat your husband with sincere kindness.
I am kind to my spouse when….
. I make and serve his meals
. When I treat him with constant respect
. When I smile and greet him with love
. When I refuse to say harsh things (even if I'm thinking them)
. When I think and choose my words carefully before I speak.
Kindness leads to marital happiness. What are some new ways that you can express kindness towards your husband?
We are HOPEFUL
At some point, every married couple will question their marriage. At some point, a married woman (or man) will reflect on if her decision to marry was a smart one. She may even (secretly in some cases) contemplate if divorcing her husband is a better idea than staying with him.
My husband and I have stayed together this long because we have practiced HOPE from the very beginning.
When I was just 15 years old I remember having so much hope for this relationship. It began small. I would hope that he'd answer the phone when I called. I hoped that he would continue to choose me every day, and I hoped for the day that no adult would be able to separate us. I always hoped for more.
As I grew older, and the love of my life became my Husband and father of my kids my hopes changed.
I hoped for peace between us as we navigated being a couple, parents, and worked at our careers. Even today I hold onto hope for our marriage. I hope that God willing, we will continue to build at this empire we've created. I hope that we have many years to come, and I hope that we have the opportunity one day to be awesome grandparents together.
Hope keeps the relationship alive. It gives you something to look forward to when things aren't all peaches and cream, but more importantly, practicing hope shows your husband that you're in for the long haul and that you always see that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that comes after each storm.
Are you always hoping for the best?
We TRUST one another
No relationship can last without trust!
We've been together since we were kids, which means we've seen the worst of one another. There have been other relationships, broken hearts, disappointments, and miscommunications. But there is still trust. For us, trust means acknowledging that my husband is truthful when he says he loves me and that no one is perfect. Trust is knowing that he has my best interest in his mind and his heart.
More importantly, Mario and I put our trust in God our Father. We trust him that he will be the guiding light in our marriage and that with him at the center we can not go wrong. Trust in God, is what allows us to trust each other.
Can you make a conscious effort to trust in your husband? If not, can you trust in God and his will?
We are SELFLESS
Mario is better at this than I am. He has always been that type of guy to put a woman first. He's the type to give his last, while never letting you know that he has nothing left for himself. Selflessness is of course the opposite of selfishness. When I am selfless I am putting my spouse first, even though it may cause me pain. The most important part of being selfless is to never mention it to your spouse. If I am doing a selfless act, I must be careful not to remind my spouse of that act… because then it's only selfish again.
Are you selfless or selfish?
We keep no record of wrong.
This is easy for me, but hard for him. In the span of 19 years, Mario and I have managed to offend one another at least once or twice (or 10 million times). But in order to keep the relationship healthy, I've learned not to continuously bring up past hurts, wrongs, or slights. I don't keep a mental log or written journal of all things he has done to me, and I would hate if he kept a record of all the times I've offended him.
Being able to let go of past hurts allows us to start fresh with one another every single morning. Keeping a clean record is also a way of saying to him "I love you, and I won't hold you in debt to me for mistakes you made long ago. We're both in a different place and now that we're here, I love you more than ever."
Let go of any records of wrong. If you are with your spouse today, then do yourself a favor and erase any records of wrong that you have written on the tablet of your heart.
How many times has your husband messed up? Can you count them? You shouldn't.
We FORGIVE often
In the bible, we're called to Forgive 77 times. We're instructed to forgive one another so that we too may be forgiven.
My husband and I practice forgiveness at every chance we get.
When we forgive one another we are saying "I won't hold this against you, because I know that you are not perfect. There was only one perfect human to walk this Earth, and he was sacrificed for our sins. I forgive you because I also need forgiveness."
I know that my husband is not my human. He is an individual who's walking his own path toward the Kingdom, and it's up to him to find his way.
I know that I trust my husband and that he has my best interest at heart. This allows me to easily forgive him when he makes mistakes (even mistakes that hurt).
It is imperative for Mario and me to always keep in mind that we are human and that although joined together in Christ, we are still perfectly flawed individuals who need constant forgiveness, and acceptance.
What do you need to forgive your husband for? What do you need forgiveness for?
The best way to keep a marriage together is to NEVER SEPARATE (or divorce). Sounds like common sense huh? Mario and I made a commitment years ago to stay together regardless of what happens between us. We're fully on board and will never jump ship (unless one of us has an affair). There is nothing on this planet that can separate us.
If today I don’t like my husband because he's being… whatever… I will still treat him with kindness and look forward to the next day. I'll have hope for better days, trust that all is well, and be patient for things to change. I would never give up on him. Keeping a relationship together means never leaving them (unless they have an affair of course).
Our relationship has been intact for the above reasons (and a few others). These things are not things that we discovered on our own, instead they are the things of true love.
1 Corinthians 13 explains to us that is Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, does not boast, always hopes, always trust, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
Practicing love NEVER fails. But you must PRACTICE loving each and every day.